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You’ve probably heard that “I” statements are important in effective communication and that’s definitely true — but only if you use them correctly.
“I feel that you’re a massive dick,” for example, is an “I” statement, but it probably won’t get the job done.
In Orbuch’s experience, couples who give affirmation to each other regularly are the happiest — that means compliments, encouragements, gestures, things that show in small ways that they’re special to you.
Here are a bunch of little things you can do to make your relationship stronger. Don’t get caught up in whether your partner is ~the One~.
Like making small talk like a pro at your work party or picking up your favorite beer without you even asking. Actually tell your partner about things that annoy you, even if they’re little things.
“Contrary to popular belief, couples need to sweat the small stuff in their relationship to be happy and together over the long haul,” says Orbuch.
“People neglect considering the impacts of their actions or choices on the other person before they go ahead and do it,” relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph. Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, tells Buzz Feed.
Instead, you’re keeping your partner in the loop in a way that doesn’t leave them feeling unimportant, ignored, or hurt. Give to your partner what you want to receive back.Make sure you don’t fall prey to what Orbuch calls “silent dining syndrome” — going out to the same old restaurants and barely talking — by doing genuinely fun, stupid, adventurous things together and continuing to ask questions and learn more about each other. Communication is as important as everyone says it is, but only if you’re doing it right.“Communication is touted as the pillar of relationship protocol, yet few people use this tool effectively,” says , constructive communication that will actually help your relationship is non-accusatory in nature and is used to share your emotions.You probably think you and your partner talk all the time, but how much of that communication is just about day-to-day, surface-level stuff? “In order to build intimacy, be happy, and really communicate with one another, you need to share personal thoughts, feelings, goals, and desires with each other,” says Orbuch. A lot of people assume that a good relationship = a relationship with no conflict, but that’s not true at all.Don’t assume you know everything about each other even if you’ve been together for a long time — instead, ask off-the-wall questions you may never have talked about, like what good memory your partner would use to conjure a patronus. Obviously, you don’t want to fight all the time, but it’s important to get stuff out in the open and work through it.
No, this isn’t about ~reigniting the spark~ or whatever.