Dating a single father advice
Don’t assume that the parent knows best and has things figured out more than you either, so if you don’t feel comfortable meeting the child and have ANY reservations whatsoever, say so and deal with the consequences because time will usually prove you right with those reservations.
Remember if you get it wrong you’re potentially affecting a small child’s life, so it’s worth putting stuff out there and not going into anything blindly.
I'm just not one of them and it's okay if others aren't either.
thanks a lot for sharing that from your perspective leggo. you seem to have come to that way of thinking based on your own experiences and are not just being biased to the topic.
Does it become your place to comment then or do you have to go along with their techniques because they happened to have a child first?
What about if the child lives in your home and any children you have will be their brother/sister?
The main bit of advice I’d say is to go with your own gut and put yourself first in any decisions, because the reality is you’re in a situation where the other person (however nice and well meaning they are) ultimately has to put themselves and their child first, so don’t ever feel selfish saying no or pressured into going along with anything you don’t want to.
When you meet another person’s child, the risk is that you have to make a bigger emotional leap of faith into the relationship than they do (since they don’t have to risk getting attached then losing that if it doesn’t work out), so it’s well worth exercising caution there. You’re jumping into someone else’s situation that you didn’t create and trying your best to deal with all that comes with that.
But what if you're looking at the person as a potential parent of your own future children and disagree with, or at least wish to discuss, some of their techniques?(I've done the latter, emotionally it feels like a child of yours has died, and it has to be that way for the sake of not confusing things for them...it's not nice)All of that is before dealing with exes, which is a minefield in and of itself.But I'll let the OP expand on if that's an issue before I go there.You are the 'break' for the parent, you are the thing in their life that's just for them, but what about what you want yourself?I've learned that it's okay to be 'selfish' and want a scenario where your own needs and wants are a matter of priority rather than an inconvenience.
That makes you a good person, even if you make mistakes, which you probably will as you go and that’s totally fine.