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Neuman recalls, "This 13-year-old kid once said to me, 'I feel, now that my parents are separated, that Idon't exist.'"While most children don't articulate their feelings so strongly -- in fact, most shrug or say "okay"if asked how they're coping with a parental split -- therapists who work with children of divorce agreethat divorce makes kids question who they are, where they came from, and where their lives are headed.That's not an argument for or against divorce, for or against dating.Given the power to vote on the relationship, the children cast "no" ballots and told their dad that, per his earlier declaration, Joanne couldn't move in until after they went away to school. Neuman is creator of a divorce therapy program for children mandated for use in family courts by many states.The story illustrates the confusion and anxiety children often feel when parents, eager for some measure of happiness and success in a new relationship, struggle over how much distance to place between their children and a newly developing romance."Seeing a parent date is an odd scenario for kids," says M. "It sometimes hammers home the message that our parents are never going to get back together."The power of the reunion fantasy is not to be underestimated, says Neuman, observing that some childrencling to the belief that their parents will get back together even after one parent has remarried.
The parents and kids enjoyed ski trips together, often in the company of other friends.
There is a lot that I need to tell you about the feelings of children when their divorced parents begin to date. They are often so consumed by the new relationship that they are unaware of how their behavior is affecting their kids.
Third, the dating parents sometimes get confused about boundaries and appropriate behavior and get too physical with their new partner publicly.
remembers the conversation she had with her two sons following one of their regular visits with herex-husband.
Both boys were brimming with news about Daddy's new friend, Joanne.